Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize