Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Found the puke drawer
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
