what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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