what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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