I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
either way he was missing a nipple.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
