why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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