if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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