I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Randomize
