Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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