while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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