i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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