Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
