I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
