Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
