do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
