Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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