there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
3pm strippers are depressing
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
