So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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