Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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