i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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