He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
im holly from the hills drunk
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
