So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
