Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
