mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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