it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize