I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
