Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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