tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
