highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
