I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
