i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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