Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
