Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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