so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
