Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
