her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
