you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
