Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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