i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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