When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
