The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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