So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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