Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
