And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
