I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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