I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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