That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You may now shotgun with the bride
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
