My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
