Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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