oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
