oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
