Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
