I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
