I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
