I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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