is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
