My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
