Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
