went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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