You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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