I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
