Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize