Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
