you guys were way drunker than both of me
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
