Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
