i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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