If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
